Stop Parking Your Happiness At The Door!

by

Loving Life Lynne Durham

Take The Three Steps To Create Life Balance:

BE HAPPY NOW

and stop parking your happiness at the door!

and then

You’ll be Leading Your Way To Success

Can you relate… have you ever noticed yourself parking your happiness at the door?

Think for a moment about the last time you parked your happiness at the door. And what I mean by that is;

  • Sitting in the car, you wait till the last moment before stepping into work, or
  • Waiting till the last moment before entering home at the end of the day?

What does that feel like?

Years ago, I was walking to the office and parking my happiness at the door, and that ended in burnout. If there’s one message I have for you, it is – STOP! Your career doesn’t have to end that way!

You don’t have to leave your corporate job for everything to change.

I didn’t know that the time and it is my mission now to share with many of you is possible – you can change your work and life experience and be happy WITHOUT parking your happiness at the door.

Having worked with many clients on this, I know you can change your work and home experience.

Before burnout, I had a successful 30-year corporate career in international trade management, and I don’t know when I started parking my happiness, but I did, and my career ended when I walked out the door and never went back.

My six-figure career turned into dust.

All the tools I’ve learnt since would have prevented my burnout, so I’m now sharing them with you.

How to stop parking your happiness at the door & be happy now.

3 Steps to create life in balance

  1. Balance vs burnout
  2. Communication with others AND yourself
  3. Focus on fun

One thing I discovered was that, before coaching, I didn’t prioritise fun, and many of my clients were also not prioritising fun.

A quick mention of neurology and neural pathways. It turns out I love knowing how & why we do things. Before we look into brain science, will you humour me and go on a little journey?

Step 1: Burnout vs Balance

Not being able to relax, unable to find and feel calm is a sign of burnout. Simply hating Mondays isn’t a sign; feeling dread and angst at the thought of entering work again likely is. There are many signs; some others are;

  • Watching life pass you by
  • Not feeling present
  • Wishing you were elsewhere
  • Thinking you’ve made the wrong choice [partner, career, car, house, holiday – anything!]
  • Hyperfocus on “doing it right” 
  • Willing yourself to have an accident on the way home, so you won’t need to go back tomorrow (or contemplating running into a pole)
  • Not asking for help, thinking you need to do it “all”
  • Feeling left out of everything good
  • No longer feeling welcomed or a “part of the group”
  • Sitting in the car, you wait till the last moment before stepping into work, or
  • Waiting till the last moment before entering home at the end of the day?

Balance isn’t about time.

Balance doesn’t mean spending 50% of your time at work and 50% at home.

Balance is unique for you

Balance is a feeling.

Balance is an alternative to Burnout

Balance may mean:

  • I enjoy what I do
  • I enjoy my time at work
  • I feel well a lot of the time
  • I know not everything works out perfectly
  • I support myself when I lose the plot
  • I am ok with failure, it isn’t the worst thing in the world when things don’t work out
  • I am invested in my time at work, AND I enjoy my time at home – I am present, most of the time
  • I am taking part and living and loving life.

For me, balance comes from enjoying my work and enjoying my home life.

Knowing when I am at work and knowing when I am not, and while I allow some blurring, generally I hold strong boundaries around my time.

I am grateful to work with the best clients who are improving their lives and finding their version of balance.

They’re taking their good life and making it great.

Before things go wrong, before burnout takes over.

This is why it matters for us to be able to identify what burnout and balance are. If there is an inkling or something is not right that’s when we get to work to make changes.

Step 2: Effective communication

Talking about 2 forms of communication; internal and external.

When we improve our ability to talk to ourselves we improve all forms of communication.

Feeling dislike towards ourselves for something we may or may not have done leaks out to our attitude towards life in general. How can we be an expression of happiness when we are hating something within ourselves.

This is the time to pay attention to your inner voice.

The voice you believe is telling you the truth.

That story that makes you feel really bad (even though you currently think it is true)

Perhaps your inner voice is yelling; YOU ARE SO LAZY

“why don’t you get up off the couch, or why aren’t you finished that project yet, or you always leave everything to the last minute…. you’re so lazy!”

This was a running story in my mind. One of the hardest things to do is to SEE (hear) the voice for what it is! This is where coaching comes in. Until someone holds up a mirror for us to SEE it is nearly impossible… you will know that sentence in your mind but won’t believe it is optional.

One of the options we have when we hear that voice is to be curious.

Communication is improved when we begin with curiosity,

The second thing we can do is remember to love all of ourselves;

Communication is improved when we lead with love.

It’s time to be happy now!

Imagine the difference you will make to your internal &/OR external communication when you are just curious instead of critical – if you were loving instead of judgmental. Life will change when communication changes.

What we listen to on a daily basis affects our mood, our actions and our life.

Before coaching, I frequently heard myself say was how lazy I was – it was often there – quite loud and negative and judgmental. The funny thing is I was, talking to my mum recently, I mentioned my old lazy thoughts and her response was amazement – calling me the least lazy person she knows.

I may never know where the thought came from but I have proven it to be not true. And this happens with my clients as well. One was how much she hated her job – that turned out not to be true – there were parts of her job she felt inferior with and once they were resolved (because they weren’t true either) she now loves her job!

in my head away I just know I am on top of it and like when it comes if it comes up came up on me like I see you and I remember I’m not lazy!

So if anyone’s got an inner critic saying you’re lazy, you’re fat, you’re stupid, you don’t know how to talk properly or your accent is hard to understand, or you aren’t qualified enough, or you’ll never get anywhere – I want you to be curious and hold the possibility that it may not be true.

Be curious and ask yourself questions. With love.

  • does it hurt to think that? (you know you’re on the right track if the answer is yes)
  • is there a chance this is not true? (even if you don’t believe it, is there a chance)
  • what else could be true? (get curious, what could be)

For example

  • I’m lazy (yes that makes me feel bad and also makes me quit with why bother, I’m lazy anyway)
  • yes, it feels true and I can’t imagine how but I guess it could be not true
  • um, I guess I do always make sure my family are all ok and help with anything they need and I always walk 10,000 steps every day

or

  • I’m so awkward (yes “knowing that” makes me feel yuck)
  • yes, I’m sure it is true, I am always uncomfortable and awkward around people, and I guess it might not be true, but it really feels that way.
  • um, I’ll watch out for evidence it is or is not true, maybe there are times I am not awkward

These are sneaky background thoughts.

We don’t know they are there because they are so familiar. Just like breathing air – we don’t have to think about breathing it’s just there.

We need to hold onto and remember self-love so that we can be open and curious to look at them.

There was so much more I could have written here, and did write & remove, we would be here for ever! I’ll talk about that another time.

Step 3: Focus On Fun

What does fun look like for you?

If you aren’t sure, start by working out some possibilities, I’ve got you; reach out for a worksheet.

If you know what fun is for you, choose when you wake up every day to answer to yourself; how will I have fun today? 

Even if you don’t, you can start answering this question and you’ll soon come up with ideas…. you will be focusing on fun.

And,
  • when you know what is burnout and what is balance for you
  • when you are making curious loving inquiry into your sneaky thoughts
  • and
  • when you are focusing on fun

You will no longer be parking your happiness at the door!

You will be loving your life a little more and more every day!

Does this feel doable? This is how I help my amazing clients every day and I can help you too. Imagine loving your life a little bit (or even a lot) more.

It’s time to be happy now!

I’ve got you, message me your questions, or if you’re ready book your free life audit today.