On the weekend, we had a bug infestation outside our house (eww, right?)
We moved a few months ago, so I can’t be sure if this is normal for this time of year. We sure didn’t anticipate bugs being normal on the 7th floor at any time of the year.
For the first few months, there weren’t any, and I had the doors & windows wide open anytime it was sunny!
By the way, Happy December!
So, on Saturday, there they were. All over the windows – and we have a lot of windows!
I had to try something and went outside to shoo them, but of course, they came back.
Looking out the windows is normally a joy-filled thing, and this time was filled with bugs!
Later that day, friends came over, and I commented on how yucky it was; I think I shivered.
My guest noticed my strong feeling & said, “oh, you really don’t like bugs”
Until then, I hadn’t noticed my reaction was so strong. I normally don’t care that much about bugs.
Her question & the realisation had me pause and ask myself, “how do I want to feel”
And that’s all it took.
I got over it instantly and could see the bugs for what they were; mildly annoying to look through, but whatever, they’re just bugs.
I’m so glad I have these tools.
Although they are sometimes a hurdle for me.
Later that day, I listened to someone who was hurting. I hate seeing people hurt when I know I can share the tools to help. I asked if she wanted to feel better, and even though it’s been a couple of years for her, she said no.
She simply couldn’t see how there could be a different way to feel.
It highlighted to me how letting go of something can be challenging because we don’t want to feel better.
Somehow, we think the alternative will feel worse.
If you’re wondering why it’s because our brain is protecting us. That’s our brain’s main role.
In this instance, it was holding on to her past hurts to the point it became a habit. (Habits use way less energy & effort = a win for the brain)
I know I cannot give help where it isn’t wanted, and I can only hope she thinks about it.
If I didn’t snap myself out of the bug thing, it could have grown too.
Later that day, when I was seeing the bugs again, I thought a bit deeper about it and realised the reason I had that reaction was (for some reason) having wildlife on the outside of my window brought up shame. (which I realised was triggered by the thought they meant my home was dirty)
I was surprised to feel shame, and again, I’m so grateful to have the tools to notice and work through it.
I’m glad I didn’t habituate the bug thing, and by the way, they were gone two days later!
Next time a crappy feeling happens, will you do it too?
Will you ask yourself, “how do I want to feel instead”?
Reach out to me here if you want to find out how to change instantly.